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MUMZILLA!

October 1st, 2016

Parents are almost entirely fantastic.  I know this because I am one.  But sometimes parents are a proper pain in the ass.  We think we’re finally clear of their interference when we cast off the shackles (and acne) of our teenage years, but there’s one big event in your life that parents just love sticking their oar into.  Your wedding.

Not all parents do this, and I’m sure your parents are just wonderful, and will let you have your big day the way you want it.  But I’m going to take my life in my hands here and talk about a creature that only the bravest will admit exists, and only the most foolhardy blokes will talk about in a blog post.  MUMZILLA!

The mumzilla (nuptulus interferrus) is a curious creature.  Height can vary from very short to incredibly tall.  There’s no mumzilla uniform.  Worst of all there’s no user manual.  Mumzilla works best in stealth mode - you might not even know mumzilla exists.  The signs mumzilla is in full effect can sometimes be subtle to spot.  You might notice that a minor choice about something like the flowers at your wedding has changed without your knowledge.  It could be a sign that a mumzilla is testing her territory.  Unless dealt at an early stage of development with compassion and subtlety the mumzilla can grow into a fearsome beast.

Do not expose mumzilla to bright lights.

Do not feed mumzilla gin after midnight while discussing wedding planning, matter how much she begs.

Do not get mumzilla wet, by (for example) pushing her into the ornamental pond while visiting a wedding venue.

It’s only natural that mumzilla wants your wedding to be amazing, and if you’re lucky enough to have parents who can contribute financially to your wedding then there’s a natural debt of gratitude.  But being grateful and handing over control are two different matters.  If handled with care and love the mumzilla can turn from being your worst nightmare to being your best asset.

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MUMZILLA!