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A groom’s guide to a stress-free wedding morning

May 3rd, 2017

This post is for the fellas.  Those brave souls who have said ‘I will’ to an ‘I do’.  Billions of words have been written by folk smarter than me about how brides can fully prepare themselves for their big day, but not much gets said about what blokes need to get done on the morning of their weddings.  Gentlemen, it’s time to get your shit together. 

In days of yore most of the groom’s wedding day morning was taken up by recovering from a mammoth hangover.  Traditionally the stag do was held the night before the wedding, I have no idea why that ever seemed like it would be a good idea.  Apart from the inherent risk of getting tied up naked to a lamp post, there was a far greater risk of the groom doing a multi-coloured yawn during the ceremony.  These days the stag do is quite sensibly a good while before the serious matter of actually getting wed.  Grooms may still spill their stomachs during the service, but these days it’s more likely to be nerves than booze that’s the cause.

So what can the sober, non-hungover groom do on the morning of his wedding to prepare?  Well the honest answer is ‘not a lot’.  If you’ve got any sense at all everything that should have been done for your wedding has been done.  If you’re super smart then your supporting cast of friends and family have been organised into getting the grunt work done.

If there is still some mad running around to be done on the morning of your wedding then don’t be afraid to call upon your best man and ushers to help out.  After all, your best man isn’t just in place to make sure the stag do is slightly out of control, he’s also there to be your man at arms on your wedding day.  Let him do your dirty work.  But don’t take the piss.  If your best man isn’t already married then there’s a good chance you might end up being his best man, should he ever find someone foolish enough to get hitched to him.

It’s a good idea to get all your clothes hung up ready the night before your big day.  Not only will it get rid of some of the creases (saving you from ironing), it will also give you something to do to keep you occupied. 

Actors and musicians will tell you that waiting to go on stage is much worse than actually performing, and it’s much the same thing with getting married.  As I’ve already mentioned you might not have much to do while waiting to go to your wedding venue.  But don’t be tempted to sit around staring at the wall while you wait; it’s the absolute worst thing you can do.  Keep yourself busy by preparing a huge-ass breakfast. 

Something a lot of grooms don’t realise about getting married is that you’ll be busy as hell once the whole thing kicks off.  While your guests might get a chance to gorge on the expensive canapes you’ve forked out for, there’s every chance you won’t get to eat anything much all day.  A decent breakfast is likely to be your last chance to eat until you sit down for the slap up feast that’s half bankrupted you.  While your friends and family are stuffing their faces on fancy snacks you’ll probably be elsewhere, having your photo taken. 

Now prepare yourselves, I’m about to give some actual proper, real, useful advice.  This doesn’t happen often on my blog, but what I’m about to tell you is solid gold.

One very good tip I can give you is to go to a cycling shop at some point before your wedding.  Cycling shops sell small nutrition bars and gels that punch well above their tiny weight when it comes to how well they will sustain you.  The pockets on the outside of your suit jacket will probably be sewn shut, but these tiny energy boosting bars will happily sit in your inside pockets without spoiling the ‘lines’.  Snaffling one of these bars down takes about thirty seconds and will keep you going for at least an hour or two. 

Some people can’t face the idea of eating something reasonably solid if nerves are a bit jagged.  If this sounds like you then I can heartily recommend the energy gels sold in cycling shops.  Professional cyclists aren’t able to chew when in a race situation, so cycling gels have been developed to slip down with zero effort. 

If you daft enough to ‘have it large’ and do your stag do the night before your wedding you might be interested to know that these gels are also amazing hangover cures.  I have just one word of warning regarding gels.  It’s best not to buy gels that have caffeine in them.  Caffeine gels are for giving cyclists who have cycled around 100 miles the final boost they need to push them over the finish line.  If you take a caffeine gel on your wedding day you might find yourself shaking like a shitting dog during your vows.

To score serious man points make sure you also stash some of these snacks for your bride.  After all, she probably doesn’t have any pockets at all.

Any brides to be reading this blog post might be rolling their eyes that my only bit of actual advice is food related.  But let’s face it, us men are basically just shaved cavemen, and we don’t operate well with no fuel in the tank!

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A groom’s guide to a stress-free wedding morning